http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/relationship-boundaries-4-mistakes-made-in-establishing-relationship-boundaries/
1. You must determine what is acceptable and not acceptable about the person or situation: have a clear expectation of what you want and do not want. Set a direction, a path,
2. Make your boundaries known, verbally.
3. Ask for feedback
4. defend your boundaries
You are not going to be a victim, but an action taker.
By taking the time to sit and look at wants, needs, goals and desires, we can begin to move forward in the direction to get them met for ourselves, rather than relying on others, or worse yet, staying stuck in a rut of our own making. Seek marriage advice if needed.
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/doctor-david/setting-healthy-boundaries-for-a-healthy-relationship-11632868.html
God is the author of boundaries—defining the world with boundaries; He established boundaries on what He would bless, and what He would not bless; He made each of us unique, with different talents, skills and possibilities; We have different family backgrounds, values, beliefs and preferences; It is our responsibility to define our personal and relational values, and reinforce them.
It is our responsibility to be clear with others about what we will tolerate, and what we won't tolerate. These boundaries clarify expectations, much like rules in a game. These boundaries help create predictability and stability in a relationship.
Either respect your boundaries of …., or politely, and ever-so-kindly, tell him/her goodbye.
Here are some principles to consider:
One, cowering to bullies only gives them more power. They learn to be rough and tough for one reason—they can! And it works to get what they want, which is more power. When it doesn't work, they don't do it.
Two, you can begin in small ways. I'm not suggesting you puff out your chest and belittle your husband in return. I'm not suggesting you disrespect him. I'm suggesting small steps, such as firmly letting him know your honest feelings.
Third, pursue counseling. While it is unlikely he will go for help with you, start counseling for yourself. Do it so you have support and encouragement. Determine to live your life, learning about boundaries. Recapture the ground he has taken from you. Re-define what is important, what you're feeling, think and want. Remember what God has done for you in the past and what He'll do for you now.
Fourth, know that you cannot change him—you can only change yourself. He may always be a bully, but you don't have to hide in the corner of the playground. When he treats you badly, leave his presence. When he yells, tell him you will listen when he lowers his voice. We have been entrusted with being stewards of ourselves—we were bought with a price, and we are to take good care of ourselves. We cannot help others, serve others or utilize our gifts, talents and treasures if we are constantly putting out emotional fires on the home front.
Finally, there are times when we need to leave the playground of the bully. If, after developing assertiveness skills and regaining your self-respect, your husband continues to abuse you, consider a temporary separation so he can reconsider his actions toward you. When he truly discovers he cannot continue to violate you and your boundaries, treating you with such disrespect, it is quite possible that he'll realize his errors and reconsider his actions. Bullies are often tough on the outside with pretty soft underbellies.
In both of these situations the women are tolerating too much. They are allowing the men in their lives to treat them with disrespect. While they are not causing the disrespect, they are enabling it to continue. Change will not be easy—it never is, but respecting one's self, and setting clear, inviolable boundaries, begins the change process
